Holiday Magic
The holiday season used to be one of my favorite times of the year. The music, the lights, and the Christmas cheer. I loved it all. That was before the passing of my beloved grandma Connie in August of 2022. That was two months before my oldest was born. She never got to meet either of our kids and now the Christmas season gives me such mixed feelings. Because, although she's gone, I get to see the joy of Christmas through our boys. I get to see their faces light up when they see Santa. I get to see them experience the true magic when they learn about the real reason for Christmas. I get to see their happiness as they discover snow for the first time and as they spend their days making Christmas candy with their Grammy.
Holiday Tragic
What I don't get to see is my grandma's pencil Christmas tree in the corner of her house. Or her stackable Christmas hat boxes by my grandparent's TV cabinet. A few years ago she asked me to make her some hat boxes for Christmas. I spent several weeks making them for her. She picked out every paper design herself and she loved them so much. I don't get to see her working with the kids at church to put on the nativity play or see her share her Snickerdoodle recipe with the kids. I don't get to see her watch our boys grow up at all. I don't get to feel her healing hugs or hear her singing at church. I miss seeing the wall decor that hung in her living room. We both wanted this particular picture from Kirkland's. It was a beautiful print that talked about mistletoe; we found it during an after-Christmas sale. I let her have it, knowing that it would be passed down to me one day. I never thought that day would come so soon. It hangs in my kitchen this year. I miss her so much, more than I ever thought I would after over two years. At times it can be too much to bear, but there are some things that always help me cope.
Ways to Cope
- Getting into the Word. By reading my Bible every day and immersing myself in the words of Jesus, I can take comfort in the scriptures that reassure me that grandma is in a much better place than being here on earth. In Heaven, she's no longer suffering with cancer or dealing with pain in her body. She is enveloped in the love and light of Jesus, waiting for us to join her.
- Worship the Lord. Putting on some worship music and truly surrendering myself in worship helps take the focus off of my sadness and turn it to Jesus. While in worship my sadness and grief can't take a foothold. My mood is lifted instantly.
- Spending time with family and friends. During the holidays I tend to be a bit more reclusive. I don't always enjoy the hustle, bustle, and business of the season. When I'm really feeling sad, I tend to want to isolate even more than usual. When I make the effort to spend time with those close to me, my heart is full. Not healed, never whole, but for a short time, full of love.
- Reminiscing about grandma. Even though it is so hard to think about her not being here, remembering all of the good things about her can sometimes help ease the fog of grief. My sister and I are planning to make the family ornaments with her clothing. While we are excited to create a treasure to remember her by, it brings a level of sadness to think about cutting up one of the shirts she used to wear.
Final Thoughts
While escaping the sadness associated with loss around the holidays isn't completely avoidable, utilizing these ways to cope can help make the season a bit more manageable. I can't stress enough that true happiness can only come from Jesus. Draw closer to him and allow healing to come over time.
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